“And it has been
of a year.
I have worn
under my sleeves,
on my thighs,
running down my cheeks.
This is what
looks like, my dear.”—Michelle K., It Has Been One Hell of a Year. (via loveyourchaos)
if you can explain to your children that an immortal man in a red suit who lives in the north pole travels around the entire world on one night every year on a sleigh carried by magical flying deer i think itll be easy enough to tell them two people are in love
oh wow. for some reason i thought it’d be a good idea to look back through my tumblr starting from the beginning. it wasn’t. i got through about 100 pages (of 266). and wow wow, now i’m filled with a crazy mix of emotions… i think it’s time for a break from tumblr.
wow i am really starting to see the effects of no meds. not only do i feel like i’m still emotionally and psychologically recovering from dealing with so many shitty people, i am so angry. i just woke up angry. and not only that, but everything feels so remarkably hopeless. my friends don’t appreciate me. i have no connection/closeness with my family anymore (not that i care too much. i am learning how awful they are. i just wish they weren’t so awful). i am working yet another minimum wage job, where, surprise, surprise, it’s shitty and i’m treated like shit. did i mention no one fucking appreciates me?? i’m tired of people thinking they can walk all over me. i’m tired of being ignored. i hate my body. not just because of my weight. i am actually starting to lose weight again, because i fucking hate eating now. i fucking hate everything. i cannot see anything positive about life right now. i am in tears now and will probably be like this all day. so glad i don’t have work today. i would probably bite someone’s head off. tomorrow, now that will be interesting… i am at the exploding point. and no one will fucking read this and care. i have spent years screaming and no one ever listens. all the times i ODed, cut myself, vomited, no one was there. i am learning that living means living alone, and i just don’t know if i can do it anymore.